It’s been long. So much has happened. My brain can’t seem to keep up with the real world in processing everything that’s happened. Sometimes, I just feel like stopping in the middle of the road and yelling out at the top of my voice: Stop, please wait. But I don’t for obvious reasons, and also because we all know that time and tide waits for no man.

I don’t feel anymore. I just… drift through everything now. The day turns into night; the tide retreats and comes crawling back to the shore begging for more; people change, and life goes on. When I started 2012, I told myself: This is the year I start living. I don’t want to just exist anymore. I want to live. On hindsight, perhaps that was too ambitious a goal. 50 years from now, I don’t want to look back and say that my biggest regret was not letting myself be happy. But I don’t know what’s stopping me right now. I have so many issues to iron out. And right now, it all seems insurmountable. Or maybe I’m just making all this bullshit up in my head. Who knows for sure what the hell is going on? Just like Walter Lippman said, reality is too complicated for anyone of us to really grasp what’s going on. We like to think we know what’s really happening, but truth is, we’re all just playing along with the show.

What started out to be a supposedly cathartic post has obviously turned into something very disjointed. Maybe I’m just tired, and a lil’ distressed. And I feel like I could be doing so much more, but I let myself get in the way. Because I let my insecurities and low self-esteem get in the way. So maybe I just need a list to remind myself:

You are doing your best.
You are doing your best.
You are doing your best
You are doing your best.
You are dong your best.

I helped you follow a bunch of people that i think you might like but if you ever find any more that you wanna follow just click the “Follow” button on the top right (most blogs would have them on the top right) corner of the page. 

ENJOY PARADISE.